I WANNA LIVE!!!!!

I have been dangling in the air of uncertainty and disempowerment for the past month, and in work, esp the last week. Report is done and submitted to counsel and I'm just fking around wasting time.

Coffee w C, and she commented I really need to find my passion, and once I find my passion, I will be so driven and then things will fall in place. She's so freaking right. I am like a headless chicken, so unlike my M days.

Then T needed a clearing before her interview. I was really trying to get her to be present to her emotions. Why the f she's wasting time fretting about the old balding guy who clearly doesn't give sh** about her, and risking her and her family's LIVELIHOOD?? Who is she really going to be? Not trying to 'sound' a certain way in the interview, but really enroll the other party into her dream of achieving that goal.

BOLD, CONFIDENT, ENROLLING, PASSIONATE AND UNSTOPPABLE!!!

Then I looked at myself. Who the f have i been wasting time being?

Lazy, fearful, scared, undisciplined, apathetic, DEAD.

Seriously, enough of this sh**.

All well and good I'm good at talking, and having enrollment conversations so others can have a better life. But what about myself???

DJ, standup, coaching, singing, research, I really don't give a sh** what it is. Just lock it down and RUNNNNN FOR IT. I spend so much time

At the gym today I realised I paid so much attention to men in blue shirt today cos I saw old colleague V in blue shirt so I was a bit conscious. The mind really works whatever it puts its mind to. What am I really conscious about? Probably keep on thinking about running, but I'm continuing to eat crap which does not help the situation at all. and as a result, my weight loss progress is stagnating, which is even worse cos that's pretty much all i think about these days.

So questions I want to ask myself are:

- WHO ARE YOU REALLY GONNA BE?
- WHAT IS YOUR DREAM AND WHAT ARE YOU COMMITTED TO?
- WHAT DO YOU OFFER TO THE TABLE THAT IS SO AMAZING THAT MAKE YOU THE PASSIONATE PERSON?

I am bold, compassionate, confident, loving, unstoppable?

Am I really? I need to have the internal voice yelling at myself, be the FIRE THAT I WANNA BE.
BE THE UNSTOPPABLE 85 BROADS YOUNG WOMAN!
BE THE CITIGROUP BUSINESS AWARD WINNER!

BE THE BOLD, FEARLESS, CONFIDENT, CHARISMATIC, ENROLLING, UNSTOPPABLE HUMAN BEING THAT I ONCE WAS!
I HAVE IT IN ME. TAKE IT OUT RIGHT THIS FKING SECOND!!!

At the end of the day, it comes down to the fact that I'm not committed, I'm wavering. I'm wavering whether to stay in my own sector, or do something else. Stay at this job or the next. Whether I'm good enough to cover a sector myself or not.

I want to dance, but I don't even go to classes. I went to one high heel, then gave up. I am not constantly present to what I'm committed to, then how can I succeed?

So here, I declare that I am committed to:
- BE THE BEST FKING COACH THERE IS TO BE, AND THAT I CAN EVER BE.
- BE THE BEST FKING EQUITY SALES AND INVESTMENT ADVISOR THAT I CAN EVER BE, SO POWERFUL, SO RELATED THAT I REALLY SELL WHATEVER I WANNA SELL, LIKE HOT CAKES OUT OF THE OVEN
- BE THE BEST FKING PASSIONATE, LOVING, DEVOTED, COMMITTED, CONFIDENT PERSON THAT I CAN EVER BE.

NO NEED TO BE SORRY, NO NEED TO BE LOW SPOT. I AM ON THE FUCKING PEDESTAL!!!!!

I WANNA LIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!