I'm sorry

I'm sorry what i said occurs as not having faith in you. don't take it personally cos it's not about no faith in you. you know i rely on you a LOT. it's my own shortcomings that i am generally so used to playing alone that i feel like everyone is doing me a favor, you agreeing to be my cm is a big favor to me. i actually believed you will play for me, FULL OUT. but something i haven't been authentic with you is an inquiry if there is anything in the way you enrol your guests such that it is not as powerful as the amazing person that you are. i've already shared with you how much i love you as my friend, and how much i look up to you for the personal traits & qualities you have that i don't.

also i'm so used to playing alone and not good at all at asking for help, so as a result i couldn't be authentic and really come out and ask abt guests / assists during the day to chk status. cos i felt like you are doing me a favor therefore leave all to you and not ask anything.

1) i don't even believe that i will pass. so no wonder you probably don't even believe in that. it's completely okay, cos i need to be the cause in the matter of my life, not you. whatever i do correlate to my source and ppl see that. and given the disempowering context i've created for myself, the result yday is a mirror of that. it's loud and clear that it's my responsibility
2) l'm is supposed to be a mirror so whatever is not working in my life is cos i'm not making it work, not ilp. i hate that i don't have time for social life but i am the one choosing powerfully. if i want out, i can be out of ILP this very second. but i'm not, and i won't. ditto with your commitments for your family and friends. choose powerfully. i hope you do.