In my head

Throughout the whole of yesterday I saw how much I love to victimize myself and then blame other people for my circumstances. Yesterday that person was T, my candidation manager.

In fact, my pattern goes like this, I procrastinate, don't plan and leave everything til last minute. Then when shit hits the fan I get so fed up w the urgency and declare I will take action. But by then there is simply not enough time and as a result I get so demoralized. In The process I victimize myself and complain that I play alone and no one else is here for me.

In the past that person has been C cos we used to see each other so frequently. Now since our paths cross so few times, I really come to blame other people. Really, find anyone to blame that I can find as target.


I also caught myself thinking so much, because of yet another conflicting scheduling. Thinking is so tiresome. If I just get off my arse and do, it's so much easier.

I want to break the pattern and really focus on pnp today and mock. That way, at least I get two things done.