Something I'm coming to terms with after the trip is my need to always be strong when with my mother, esp carry stuff for her. Eg we were lining up for the cab queue out of airport express, i was holding some bags, she offered to help, I immediately reacted and said "no, don't bother, stop hassling me!" The same thing goes for each time she asks me to help me.
I keep asking myself why I'm always like this when I'm with her. No one else, just her. Perhaps it's those shopping trips with her all those years, when dad is away working and not with us. It's always been the two of us. Even throughout high school, I tried to do as much of the carrying as I can cos the amount of groceries we had to collect each time is overwhelming and as a result I always tried to carry more cos I didn't want her to overwork just cos dad was not there. My need to be strong and tough and extend myself is never more apparent than I am with her. now that I come to terms with it, I realise I can let it go. She offers, I can take it, I can choose to not take it. I don't have to react, and consider it my absolute responsibility. She is also making a choice when she offers. I don't have to decide in advance for what's good for her. And I certainly don't need to react.
I keep asking myself why I'm always like this when I'm with her. No one else, just her. Perhaps it's those shopping trips with her all those years, when dad is away working and not with us. It's always been the two of us. Even throughout high school, I tried to do as much of the carrying as I can cos the amount of groceries we had to collect each time is overwhelming and as a result I always tried to carry more cos I didn't want her to overwork just cos dad was not there. My need to be strong and tough and extend myself is never more apparent than I am with her. now that I come to terms with it, I realise I can let it go. She offers, I can take it, I can choose to not take it. I don't have to react, and consider it my absolute responsibility. She is also making a choice when she offers. I don't have to decide in advance for what's good for her. And I certainly don't need to react.
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