I had coach call w B today. She said she could hear on the phone that I was so upset and sad. I don't even know why. Tears just kept on dripping as she talked. I was just so depressed. Starting last Fri, I had wild mood swings, and extremely pissed. Then today, I was depressive.
She then said the golden word, sentimental. Right on the money, I think all these years I hit the story that I feel sorry for myself.
I feel sorry for myself that my mother didn't spend 5 years of my most important years with me.
I feel sorry for myself that my father beat me so bad when I score poorly.
I feel sorry for myself that my father would always be fighting with his own mother, non stop.
I feel sorry for myself that all my relatives are jackasses that want to rip us off.
I feel sorry for myself that I am fat and unworthy of love.
I feel sorry for myself that my mother would never speak to me properly but would always shout (even though she sacrifices so much for me).
I feel sorry for myself that I am all alone, in this world, and no one understands me.
I feel sorry for myself that no one understands me and as a result I don't give a shit and let the misunderstanding drag on.
Coaching call -
Why am I so sensitive
Training me to be my word. Then have to exercise caution.
To be effective in comm, be too cautious of what I say, but listen to the person listening to me. If I'm listening intently, whatever I say is perfect.
Why am I overtly sensitive / sentimental. Easy to make others wrong then myself wrong. Or words come out and I'm so upset and feel like ppl don't understand. It is disempowering me.
What's our barrier.
Why am I so sentimental? I just need to be empathetic, not sympathetic.
Something in my past I'm not complete with. Unfair? Ppl don't know my pain?
Ppl don't get my love?
I tried to act very strong. Not cry when needle, yet what ppl say can easily trigger me.
Occurring of fam relationship to me.
Don't
What does it mean to be a woman?
What am I experiencing?
Still not fulfilled.
How do I see the world and how do I see life?
Stop doing anything and ilp and anything I'm doing. Now I'm in the mood of crap.
I need to do something. But everything in order to. Today just do my work. And go home and relax and watch tv to relax.
Being powerful, then don't have to worry abt being late.
Generate myself to be powerful. My confidence. How much time I spend analyzing and talking abt the task. Analyzing myself
It's auto, nothing's wrong. Observe myself. How others are seeing me. How do I do so ppl are not criticising me. If I believe in myself then whatever I do will be so powerful.
Playing the dog is just love, nothing in my space.
She then said the golden word, sentimental. Right on the money, I think all these years I hit the story that I feel sorry for myself.
I feel sorry for myself that my mother didn't spend 5 years of my most important years with me.
I feel sorry for myself that my father beat me so bad when I score poorly.
I feel sorry for myself that my father would always be fighting with his own mother, non stop.
I feel sorry for myself that all my relatives are jackasses that want to rip us off.
I feel sorry for myself that I am fat and unworthy of love.
I feel sorry for myself that my mother would never speak to me properly but would always shout (even though she sacrifices so much for me).
I feel sorry for myself that I am all alone, in this world, and no one understands me.
I feel sorry for myself that no one understands me and as a result I don't give a shit and let the misunderstanding drag on.
Coaching call -
Why am I so sensitive
Training me to be my word. Then have to exercise caution.
To be effective in comm, be too cautious of what I say, but listen to the person listening to me. If I'm listening intently, whatever I say is perfect.
Why am I overtly sensitive / sentimental. Easy to make others wrong then myself wrong. Or words come out and I'm so upset and feel like ppl don't understand. It is disempowering me.
What's our barrier.
Why am I so sentimental? I just need to be empathetic, not sympathetic.
Something in my past I'm not complete with. Unfair? Ppl don't know my pain?
Ppl don't get my love?
I tried to act very strong. Not cry when needle, yet what ppl say can easily trigger me.
Occurring of fam relationship to me.
Don't
What does it mean to be a woman?
What am I experiencing?
Still not fulfilled.
How do I see the world and how do I see life?
Stop doing anything and ilp and anything I'm doing. Now I'm in the mood of crap.
I need to do something. But everything in order to. Today just do my work. And go home and relax and watch tv to relax.
Being powerful, then don't have to worry abt being late.
Generate myself to be powerful. My confidence. How much time I spend analyzing and talking abt the task. Analyzing myself
It's auto, nothing's wrong. Observe myself. How others are seeing me. How do I do so ppl are not criticising me. If I believe in myself then whatever I do will be so powerful.
Playing the dog is just love, nothing in my space.
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