Weekend 3 was so powerful and phenomenal that I came out of it feeling very inspired, enlivened and alive! Out of it, this Mon, I had a talk with the big boss in lieu of the crisis at work. I had so much energy and was so keen to contribute that he was very impressed and said we need more people like me. After weekend 3, I decided to run for it by the end of this week. But today, I had a breakdown. Major one. In fact, last night, when I did the phone assist. It dragged on to 10.15pm and when coach B asked me to wrap up the call with C's friend N, I was reactive and had a go at her. Like a petulent child. I am not proud of it, but was quite aware as I went off.
Then this morning, as I realised, hour by hour, that there simply no way I could pass part b of PNP. I had a major breakdown, the biggest I have had in past 3 months I think. Although I realised I can't blame Landmark for shit that happens or the fact that I can't get things done or I love to make myself wrong, I just couldn't control the frustration I was feeling.
The task occurs as such a giant impossible task to me that I feel compelled to have to drop everything I'm doing now to complete it. As a result, I lose integrity on everything else I'm doing in life and I resent myself, make myself wrong, and make anyone else in my way wrong too. I wonder why it occurs as impossible to me, perhaps school summer holidays, where I left everything to the last minute and end up having to cram cram cram.
Ditto for everything else, eg piano exams, running for candidations. It's a mirror. Damn right. Reflecting everything that is wrong with me.
I need to stop running, just be.
Then this morning, as I realised, hour by hour, that there simply no way I could pass part b of PNP. I had a major breakdown, the biggest I have had in past 3 months I think. Although I realised I can't blame Landmark for shit that happens or the fact that I can't get things done or I love to make myself wrong, I just couldn't control the frustration I was feeling.
The task occurs as such a giant impossible task to me that I feel compelled to have to drop everything I'm doing now to complete it. As a result, I lose integrity on everything else I'm doing in life and I resent myself, make myself wrong, and make anyone else in my way wrong too. I wonder why it occurs as impossible to me, perhaps school summer holidays, where I left everything to the last minute and end up having to cram cram cram.
Ditto for everything else, eg piano exams, running for candidations. It's a mirror. Damn right. Reflecting everything that is wrong with me.
I need to stop running, just be.
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