Living into the future I am creating today

It is new year's eve and I am sitting in bed watching satc and typing out this message. That is right, no parties, no sydney trip, no dinners with people. Why? Because I am sick and have a blocked nose and a  stomach that is ready to be upset at any second now.

I often ponder the validity of my choices. That I choose to drive myself to the ground? What am I trying to prove really? And to whom? That I have a goal and that I cannot fail? The only way is forward?

What is particularly poignant is the FB pages of everyone, be it fireworks in Sydney, holiday trips with their loved ones, or even a homely dinner. Yet here I am alone, pondering, not really stressing, but more to nurture my cold / flu / annoyance. Not really getting to live life as I should. I remember the days where I used to enjoy going out to parties. Certainly a bit too old for that. I certainly don't get to live life to the fullest as I would like to. Oddly enough I am at ease with my choice though. Unlike last year or years before where I was genuinely unhappy or upset on NYE boat trip (probably 3 years ago), this time, I am clear about where it is I am going and what I need to be doing to get there.

Hence the ease and peace of mind. There is nothing like clarity, tranquility and peace of mind. 

MY BELIEF IS MY REALITY - 25 DEC 2013

Last few months have been very tough for me. I have been learning so much about how to lead myself and be the cause in the matter of a lot of things. But at the cost of everything else in my life, my health, my self confidence in image, my friendships and social life, along with my recreation 

Motivational desire to be the best in Lyoness, best form of me as a radiant, glorious goddess of a woman

• What is my why? - starting my biz, 
• believe that i can change
• UNLOCK MY BELIEFS. - e.g. a tree, roots vs branches. assume every leaf represents my behaviour around love, friend, money, myself. the whole from outside but each leaf is a behaviour. if change myself, i change the behaviour i.e. scissors and cut the leaves and that is willpower by cutting the leaves over and over again. trace that belief all the way down to the root, why i have that belief, which is feeding that behaviour. what happens to that leaf? the behaviour will die. 
• when how where who does it affect what does it do?
• don't ask why questions. because these are  
• how can i lose weight?
• when can i lose weight
• who can help me?
• where can i get help
• what do i get from losing weight?
• my circumstance will not be the same as

i am never going to settle for unhappiness. (not i am never going to settle for second best)

i rather be happy, than winning and on top. 

what is really my commitment? 

I WANT TO CREATE ANY POSSIBILITIES I WANT FOR MYSELF AND MY FAMILY. 

understand myself clearly because i look at the beliefs. choose the beliefs that work for me. 

1. choose happiness
2. cultivate mental strength - conversation i have with myself esp during difficult times. my thoughts are the core of my mental strength. build great strong conversations with myself
3. derive confidence within myself. what do i really want?

Is my belief that, I AM NOT LOVED? OR I DON'T DESERVE LOVE?

MY BELIEFS - I AM LOVE, I DESERVE LOVE. 

Racket is I don't deserve love. 

what are the corresponding actions? 

eat fatty food, don't care about my looks, don't go and mingle with boys, focus on work only and leave no time for myself. 

Payoff 

• can be lazy
• 
  

don't allow what happened to me shape me. categorically go through what happened to me and what i have allowed to shape me. 

choosing happiness. 

i really can do anything i set my mind to. i don't know how to talk, 

losing weight. 

i am going to be wealthy, i have nothing to lose, i have everything to gain. 

I CAN DO ANYTHING I SET MY MIND TO. 

WHAT ARE MOST IMPORTANT TO ME RIGHT NOW?

my family and my long term fulfilment. fulfilment seems like such a 

Where it hurts the most, I throw em like a child

Threw a huge tantrum yesterday when LB told me they don't need me to go on Sunday anymore.

I don't know what the internal conversation is that has led me to react.

I am not needed?
I am rejected?
I did what I had to do but my expectation was not fulfilled?

Fact / interpretation, fact / interpretation.

Who am I

Who am I, to be so arrogant, thinking that I know the best for others because I make assumptions and reach decisions for them?
Who am I, to be so selfish, that I shut off people's possibilities and possible access to their dreams, simply because I am afraid of rejections?

Be a stand, be an educator.

For being nice makes no difference. For playing small makes no difference. For seeing other people as small people, most definitely makes no difference.

I MUST LIBERATE MYSELF AND SET MYSELF FREE.

i woke up with a bad dream. i was in some random city, visiting this house w whole bunch of ppl then somehow found out this house enslaves people so i had to find out ways to escape. I had to kill or do extreme measures.

What is really scary is that I realised this was an analogy for my life. But at least in the dream it was damn obvious that it was slavery and murdering me, while in real life this is much less obvious. I was being suffocated silently and murdered slowly without me even realising it.

My subconscious mind must be aware of it and trying desperately to send me a message. I must escape, and not be like EVERYONE ELSE.

I MUST LIBERATE MYSELF AND SET MYSELF FREE. 

THE POWER OF FOCUS AND MY THOUGHT!

If I follow the path of fulfillment, the action is the

In order to be wealthy, I first need to have a wealthy mindset.

Sept has been extremely tough for me, I tried so hard, yet the fruits I could reap were only 1/2.
事倍功半is the only way to describe it...

Gratitude is empowering. Choose to search for what is good in my life.
Companionship, friendship,

It is a pay check I am already working for, I am sure it is coming, just now sure when it is coming.
I wanna glow, by feeling my gratitude, graditutde will become the magnet that attracts

There is no way to happiness, happiness is the way.

Gratitude feels like fulfillment. Bringing fulfilment into my life, onto demand.

In order to be someone, I must HAVE something. WRONG!!!

Reverse of this is true.

First step of success is to embody the vision of the success I want to have!

What is the vision of the success I want to have?

The vision of the success I want to have is to BE A RADIANT GODDESS!
THAT I AM INSPIRING, DOING SOMETHING I LOVE, MAKE A CONTRIBUTION TO OTHERS. MY PARENTS ARE HAPPY, HEALTHY AND WELL TRAVELED!

Be detached to the result. You are entitled to your actions, not the result of your actions.
If you follow the path of fulfilment, then the action is the result.

In order to be a glowing person, you must first glow.